


Half a Shadow

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Han Solo Lives, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren and Poe Do Not Know Each Other Here, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Build, Slow Burn, for a change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:35:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23585479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Kylo comes back home with Han. It takes a while for him to mend things with Poe Dameron and have them become more...but he will get there.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	1. D’Qar

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: I should be working on my Camp NaNo stuff, but this got too big for trope_bingo.

Poe didn’t expect the Falcon to come back with Kylo Ren in tow, but here it was. It was odd, he thought, seeing him without the mask; at least, Poe thought, he was nothing like what Poe expected. The thin pale face, the curly black hair and almost angelic features...Poe had to admit that there was an odd beauty to him, a strange contrast to the man who had hurt him. 

It was something, he knew, that he didn’t want to look too long at.

***

It was in the briefing room on the D’Qar base that Leia faced Poe, hands in her pockets, and said, “I was wondering, ever since the Finalizer...are you okay?”

Poe sighed. “Fine as I can be...after what he did.” He swore that he could all but feel the aftereffects of Kylo’s burrowing in his mind. 

”Is that code for ‘not fine at all’?” General Organa said. “I understand perfectly, believe me. Even hearing about it...it does hurt.”

There was something in her eyes, something that Poe couldn’t quite read. Something sad, like... “Did you know him? Ren?”

”I did,” General Organa said. “Poe...I didn’t tell you. About my son, Ben. You didn’t meet him, but...”

”Is...” A horrifying thought struck Poe, something too horrifying to even consider, the idea that the woman who he would defend with his life and the man who had tortured him were one and the same. “Is he...”

General Organa looked pained. Then, “He is.”

”General,” Poe said softly. “I’m sorry.”

”It isn’t your fault,” General Organa said. 

”I know, but...how could he do this to you?” Even remembering his own, deceased mother, Poe couldn’t imagine hurting her in that way. But then his thoughts drifted to someone else. A sunny kitchen on Yavin IV, Poe screaming at his father (his poor father) that he hated him. Granted, Poe hadn’t killed anyone but...stars, could he have gone down a worse path, if he hadn’t snapped out of this in time?

General Organa sighed. “Children have problems with their parents. Sometimes you can’t put a finger on one specific thing that went wrong, that one moment where they broke. What you could have done differently. There was Snoke. Among others. They were watching B — Kylo. Waiting for him, all because of his gifts.” A beat. “Just about all his life.”

Poe wanted to rebut it. To say that Finn had been kidnapped and indoctrinated by the First Order, and had still chosen to do the right thing. But there was something about seeing General Organa’s maternal sorrow, her guilt, that made him reconsider his statement. And the Force...stars, was the Force just a huge game of dejarik? Not caring who they used as pawns as long as some vague, illusive goal was reached?

He supposed he could feel compassion for Kylo. That could work. You could feel compassion for someone and not like them, what they did or as a person.

So he said, “I’m sorry they did this.”

”It isn’t your fault. Poe...you were very much my second chance. I failed to save Ben. But you came along, and you gave me faith that, perhaps, nothing was truly over.”

Poe nodded. He was glad, at least, that that was the case. He couldn’t save General Organa. He could only help her, believe in her. 

”I do my best.”

”You were brave, Poe. And it wouldn’t be far-fetched to think the Force was looking out for you, when Finn rescued you.”

”I think people are just good, fundamentally,” Poe said. "By nature.”

Leia smiled. “You do remind me of Shara,” she said. “In many ways.”

”I hope so.”

***

Having dinner away from the others, with his father, at least gave Kylo time to think — and not of pleasant things, but the things he’d done in the name of getting to Skywalker. 

Kylo thought of the pilot, the man he had cuffed to the rack. It wasn’t like he hadn’t interrogated before; he had done so many things in the name of reaching the man who had somehow seen good in Vader, but not Ben Solo. Things that had repulsed him at first before becoming like breathing. Now, even as he picked at his food, he wondered if any of it was worth it.

Skywalker was still a monster. Kylo just wondered if there was anything about the interrogations that had been worth it. 

And the Resistance was scared of him. Kylo supposed that he would be scared of him too, if he were them. A hulking figure who’d previously hidden himself under robes and a mask. A beast that tore apart families and towns and so much more. 

”You’re not eating, kid,” Han said gently. 

”They don’t like me.” He could already feel the Resistance’s astonishment, mistrust, dislike.

”They’ll get used to you,” Han said. “Look at it this way — you’re doing what your grandfather couldn’t. Actually living to redeem yourself. It’s not going to be easy, kid. It’s not a straight line. But you took that first step.”

Kylo nodded. He supposed, all too well, that it was true. He supposed he needed to find a place to begin. A to-do list? He wondered what that to-do list would look like. Apologizing to his mother, to begin with. Skywalker was a monster, but it wasn’t her fault. 

”I’ll help,” Han said. For the moment, Kylo supposed he could believe it. 

***

They had the funeral. Everyone who didn’t return from Starkiller Base got memorialized and honestly, Poe thought, General Organa gave a pretty good speech. He stood near Jess and Snap; he doubted he was ready, really, to face Kylo. He could feel compassion for him. The boy who’d never stood a chance. And maybe in another life where things had gone worse for Poe...maybe in a way, Kylo was his shadow. The man that he could have been if he was really, really unlucky. 

He wouldn’t deny that the very idea was unsettling. The idea that he could have been a lot like Kylo, if he had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

Of course, they had to leave. Even as Poe looked back, he could have sworn that he saw Kylo staring at him, almost like he wanted to say something (perhaps to apologize? Maybe it was wishful thinking on Poe’s part) — at least before Jess gently pushed his shoulder. “Come on, Poe; forget him.”

Poe supposed, for the moment, he could. 


	2. The Supremacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo takes his first steps to redemption.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was long after the map to Luke had been put together (Kylo out of the room, of course) that Kaydel Ko Connix called Poe and Leia over towards the console. “You might want to see this,” she said. 

Poe looked — and he swore it was like his blood had turned to ice. 

The _Supremacy_ had come to D’Qar. 

Snoke didn’t often come out of hiding, but when he did, he left a trail of ruin and destruction in his wake. There were some who said of the _Supremacy_ that when you looked upon it, you saw your own death, your own doom. A massive ship, capable of raining fire wherever it was so inclined. 

”General,” Kaydel said, “We’re going to need a distraction. Somehow.”

General Organa sighed. “ ‘Somehow’ is a good word for it, Kaydel. Commander Dameron’s going to lead the attack on the _Supremacy_. It’s our best hope to divert Snoke’s attention while we evacuate everyone else. And,” and here, Poe could have sworn that a sort of fire had entered her eyes, “It will give us all the opportunity to stop Snoke for good.”

Poe nodded, grimly. Snoke had caused too much havoc. They had to at least stop him before he caused more. 

***

Kylo had overheard the conversation, and he knew full well what he had to do. Even lurking outside the room, he slipped away towards the hangar and, once he was there, he broke into a run. A ship, he needed a ship in order to take the Supremacy down...

He didn’t fly often. He could say that he was very good when he did. 

Even getting in one of the X-wings and firing it up, he thought he could hear one of the mechanics shout “What are you doing here”, only for Kylo to blast off towards the Supremacy. 

The space battle was already getting volatile. X-wings falling out of the sky, bombers being shot out of space. Kylo could feel them too well, their terror, their frantic need to take the Supremacy down...

He fired on First Order TIE fighters. He couldn’t help but feel at least a twinge of regret seeing them fall out of the sky like falling stars; at least he could take comfort in the idea that he’d set the X-wing’s shooting function to disable, as opposed to “kill".

He could feel their astonishment. And the pilot’s shock as well. The pilots were already zooming in on the Supremacy with all they had, firing at it with all they had. 

Kylo could already feel Snoke’s voice in his head, all but screaming. _Traitor_! It was one word, but it felt like a roar inside Kylo’s mind, a howl of fury. 

_I had to, Snoke_. Could he press the button? Even if it was to disable, not to kill? 

Snoke was about to fire on the pilot. And that...maybe it was the same, strange feeling that led Kylo to put off interrogating the pilot, but somehow, he couldn’t allow that. 

He fired. 

The guns were disabled. Kylo didn’t have his comm line open, but he could sense the awe from the others at the direct hit. And their determination, just to hit that ship with all they had. 

They fired. And the ship...it would blow up, Kylo knew that. Snoke was so confident in that moment, in his belief that nothing could kill him, that he was effectively immortal. 

Kylo could feel the others being all but reduced to atoms as the Resistance finished the job on the _Supremacy_. He didn’t know if Snoke was among them. He’d know, though, if Snoke was among the dead?

Either way, the ship was finished. And even as the X-wings entered the _Raddus_ ’ hangar later, Kylo knew that he didn’t particularly enjoy it (Snoke had been cruel to him at times, but also kind. Sometimes Kylo didn’t know what to expect) but taking down Snoke was at least a necessary first step. 

***

It was as the different squadrons congratulated each other — there were hugs and cheers. Kylo couldn’t help but feel a certain painful ache, like he was on the outside looking in. True, he’d chosen it, but even so... — that the pilot took off his helmet, shaking out his hair (it was something Kylo couldn’t help but admire, his thick black curls) and Kylo almost envied his confidence, his ease. It reminded him, almost, of when the man called Ren had removed his helmet for the first time and Ben Solo had been struck by his confidence, his certainty, along with the fact that he’d looked like any other man. 

The pilot ran over towards the X-wing Kylo had commandeered. Eyes wide, clearly flabbergasted. 

”You did that?” the pilot said. “Disabled Snoke’s ship?”

”None other,” Kylo said wryly. 

"You could have gotten yourself killed.”

Kylo paused. Should he be grateful for the pilot showing concern for his safety?

”I mean...I guess I should thank you,” the pilot said. He sounded, if anything, a bit dazed, like he didn’t know how the man who’d tortured him not long ago could turn around and save him. “For saving me. It’s a bit weird, but I guess if Finn could turn around...”

”You called the defector ‘Finn’?” Kylo said wryly. “A bit unoriginal.”

The pilot shrugged, a quite endearing shrug, actually. “We were on the run. I don’t think we had time for something...fancier.”

Kylo smiled faintly. “If you say so.” There was something about the pilot’s shrug that was enough to cause a pleasant flutter in Kylo’s chest, even despite himself. “Really, it’s a first step of mine. It’s nothing special.”

”I say it is. More special than you think, really.”

Kylo wouldn’t deny that the way the pilot looked at him was enough to make his heart start to race. 

”The point is,” the pilot said. “I’m glad. That you saved my life. Thank you.”

Kylo swallowed. "No problem...Commander.”

The pilot smiled, if slightly. Kylo decided that he liked that smile, and he would like to see it more often, if possible. “Call me Poe.”

”Call me Kylo,” Kylo said. 

”No problem, Kylo.”

One of Poe’s pilots, a woman with her black hair bound back in a ponytail, called Poe over. Poe nodded towards him (not quite a friendly wink, but Kylo found it made his heart flutter all the same) before disappearing into the crowd. Somehow, Kylo thought, he wished that Poe would stay. 

It made him wonder what he was thinking, cracking open Poe’s head like this. And why Poe would be so grateful to him for saving his life. Maybe, Kylo thought, Poe Dameron was just like that. Someone uncommonly kind. Someone uncommonly generous. Someone who saw the good in people, even and especially when they were struggling to accept it in themselves. 

***

”You scared the life out of me,” his mother said even as they met in the private room General Organa had. Kylo could only conclude she didn’t want to make a scene. “I just got you back and then you had to put your life in danger...” She sighed. “It was noble of you to save Poe, but I wish you weren’t borderline suicidal about it.”

Kylo nodded. He couldn’t come up with a sarcastic remark for that. His mother really did sound scared. Terrified, actually. 

“I couldn’t let him die.” A beat. “He’s an uncommonly kind man. You should be proud of him.”

“He is a good man,” his mother said. “Uncommonly empathetic. It’s hard to find good beings in the galaxy nowadays; I’d say he’s rarer than he knows.” Then, “And he’s charming. He’s enchanted you too, hasn’t he?”

Kylo swallowed. Truthfully, he didn’t know how to describe it. That feeling, when the prisoner you had on the rack was willing to see the good in you. “He’s a good man,” he said. “I can see why you chose him.”

”He is a good man. But Ben,” and here, Kylo couldn’t help but wince at least slightly, "Don’t think you were replaced. Besides,” and here, Leia looked a bit wry, “I don’t think Shara Bey would approve of me stealing her son.” A beat. “She was Poe’s mother. Compassionate, fearless.”

”He’s more like her than he thinks,” Kylo said. 

His mother nodded. Then, “Kylo...whatever you do, don’t hurt him again. I know it sounds like a strange way of phrasing it, but it is difficult. Knowing my son interrogated my protégé. I should be angrier. Knowing it was you...makes it more difficult.”

Kylo nodded. “I know." A beat. “Perhaps blowing up Snoke’s ship isn’t enough. I can still do what I can...just to make up for it.”

”It’s a start. I don’t forgive you for that. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It’s complicated is all. As it would be.”

Kylo nodded. He hadn’t thought of it before, how he looked most likely to everyone else. The first time he’d tortured someone — would the term “mind rape” apply, he thought. He usually associated the term with driving someone to the brink of insanity, but now, he wasn’t so sure — he’d thrown up afterwards. Snoke had lectured him then, about how Dark Siders had no place for weakness and fear. 

Now, he thought, Snoke’s idea of weakness...what if it was strength? 

Leia hugged him. Kylo didn’t know the last time he’d been hugged. Not in six years, he knew that. “There is still Light in you,” she said. “Don’t forget that.”

Kylo drew away from her, smiled feebly. “I won’t.”

***

Ben left, and Leia was alone in her room. They were en route to Crait now, and she would admit she was afraid. She could feel a shift in the Force, a shift that suggested Snoke’s true Master (of course he had a Master. Always two there were, right?) was about to emerge. Just because Snoke had fallen didn’t mean that the fight was over. 

”Force, protect my son,” she murmured to the empty room. She didn’t know why she was saying that; the Force couldn’t talk back. "I failed to protect him once. Help me be a better mother to him...as he should have had."

It felt good, at least, admitting it to an empty room. Empty rooms couldn’t talk back. It didn’t mean that Leia didn’t feel more certain, in that moment. 


End file.
